26 April 2020

LOOK: Fall

christof bollhalder


dress Asos, shoes Valentino, handbag Dior, earrings H&M
Sometimes, when I don't know how to start an article, I pick one photo and I look at it. And I wait, and I look where the woman in the photo is looking. And do I even know her? How many times has she walked past me on the street and how many times we stood together front of the morror, how many times has she sat with me at a table and ate from my plate.

How she does not like taking pictures and how she can not pose and how she likes to sometimes pull her friend tripod for a walk in the woods near Muri. She puts on one of her dresses.

Even today she said - thank you, to passersby. Not. Don't photoshoot me. Leave me alone. Go away. Go. Don't tear my thoughts.

How many times she said no to others. How many times she stood in front of the camera without a photographer. Where she looked when she didn't look at the lens. Was there a tree? The road? Nothing? A life without a soul? An idea? What went through her head? What will this post be about... she does not know yet. And she thinks and in the moment she lives for one good photo. For remembrance. For pleasure. For a moment. She gives it all. She's happy. She loves it. She's upset. She hates it. She swears. Shouting quietly. Waiting for the camera sound to change a pose. She changes the pose. She falls. Falls. Falls.

I'll help her get up. She did not say thank you. She is quiet. We are silent together. And I think that I know now why she looks at me now like that.

Niekedy, keď neviem ako začať s článkom, vyberiem si jednu fotku a zahľadím sa. A čakám. A pozerám, kam pozerá tá žena z fotografie. A či ju vôbec poznám.? Koľkokrát prešla na ulici okolo mňa a koľkokrát so mnou stála v rade v obchode, koľkokrát so mnou sedela pri jednom stole a jedla z môjho taniera.

Ako nerada sa fotí a ako nevie pózovať a ako rada vytiahne občas svojho priateľa tripoda na prechádzku lesom neďaleko Muri. Oblečie si jedny zo svojich šiat. Či sú krásne a či nie mi v tejto chvíli nenáleží napísať. Len si pomyslieť.

Aj dnes povedala okoloidúcemu ďakujem. Nie. Nefoťte ma. Nechajte ma. Choďte preč. Zmiznite. Nazavadzajte. Netrhajte moje myšlienky.

Koľkokrát povedala druhým nie. Koľkokrát stála pred fotoaparátom bez fotografa. Kam hľadela, keď nehľadela do šošovky. Bol tam strom? Cesta? Diaľ? Nič? Život bez duše? Myšlienka? čo jej prebehla hlavou? O čom bude tento príspevok a nevie. A premýšľa a v tej chvíli žije pre jednu kvalitnú fotografiu. Pre spomienku. Pre potešenie oka. Pre moment. Dáva do toho všetko. Má radosť. Miluje. Rozčuľuje sa. Nenávidí. Nadáva. Potichu kričí. Čaká na zvuk fotoaparátu, aby mohla zmeniť pózu. Mení pózu. Padá.

Pomôžem jej zdvihnúť sa. Nepoďakuje. Len mlčí. Mlčíme spolu. A tuším, prečo sa na mňa ta díva.


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